You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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