as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
