i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
