last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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