Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
