Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
