so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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