So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
