I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
