If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We talked him into tasing himself.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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