bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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