I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
