I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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