let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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