Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
