yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
