well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
