so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
