Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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