I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we made out on top of his cat.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
