from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
