I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
