Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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