Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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