Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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