His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
