Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
