the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
