All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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