i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
