i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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