i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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