this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize