Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
