we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
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sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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