I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
