Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
