I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Michael Bay diarrhea
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
