dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
