hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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