I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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