I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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