made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
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I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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