Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
