The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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