woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
