She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
