I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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