it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
