he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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