I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
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Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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