i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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