i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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