You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
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I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
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We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.