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• (214): View more from Texas

  Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".

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• (661): View more from California

  Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Most definitely.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10

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