i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.