Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10