I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
