I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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