"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
