I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
