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Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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